The Future of Coaching
What is next for human being coaching?
Since 2022, I have been professionally coaching people around nutrition and movement. I have been a source of information, an agent for change and empowerment, and have been teaching the fundamental pieces of the health and wellness puzzle to many, while growing in my own depth and understanding of what this can mean for a variety of people.
My client base is predominantly people who identify as LGBTQIA+. It is within that community, which I also identify myself, that I want to go further, and tap into something a bit deeper than just looking hotter for social media.
Like many, I have used my body as a means for validation. Between finding and shifting between gay culture subgroups (Bear, Otter, Bear again, and somewhere in between), and not quite inhabiting any one space at any one time, the struggle between finding and being part of a community, and still not quite feeling like I fit into any community at all, has been a real source of tension.
In my time as a coach, I have learned that I’m not the only one who feels this tension, this struggle, and has let it blossom into a real crisis within himself. I’ve gathered, through hours of coaching and so, so many private messages and exchanges, that I’m not the only one who takes out this struggle upon his own physical body. I’m not the only gay man who has a very, very loud voice that dictates nearly every dimension of his life. From what clothes to wear, what to comment or not comment on social media, what to post, what upward mobility steps at the workplace to take, which clubs, bars, activities, and the like to undertake, and on and on, that voice is there, telling me what to do.
We all seem to have a version of this.
In some way or form, it also seems we respond to that critical voice through how we treat our bodies.
We take pills, mix powders. We skip meals. We skip whole food groups. We string ourselves out on caffeine. We drown in alcohol to stop the voice and take a fucking break from it all.
We seek both validation, and release, from the race to be approved by tenaciously seeking partnership in any way possible, either via casual sex, and/or finding ourselves stuck in codependent, deeply problematic power dynamics that hinge on the feelings of belonging, of community, and simply being loved in some fashion.
We often compromise EVERYTHING to simply be seen, loved, and desired.
We includes me, too.
This is where impact can be made.
It has come to my understanding that, as a member of the wider gay community, that voice isn’t just a nasty bully of social expectations and pressure.
For many, like me, it’s a facet of our inner selves. It’s a version of the person within us who, in some way, was denied the love and affection they craved and deserved as a child. It’s the same version of us who still remembers the bullying, the rejection, the “otherness” we carry, and who is frightened of being rejected and cast out, alone and unloved.
Currently, I show people a better way to eat. I teach them the power of being well-hydrated and rested, and how those two elements have a deep impact on mindset and mood. I show them, time and again, how when they treat their bodies better - through eating well, hydrating more, sleeping better, and moving with purpose and intensity - they often feel better and more connected to the world around them (and, conversely, less afraid of being rejected, outcast, or alone). I love bringing this realization into their lives, and giving them the tools they need to always be able to come back to that empowered place in their lives.
Still, my coaching business is small. It seems to be working really well for a small cadre of people, and for that I am thankful.
I do, hoewever, think there’s more for me to do. There’s more for me to become, and to teach, and to coach.
There’s some missing X factor - that taps into the inner kiddo work I’ve been doing for myself in therapy - that I want to bring to the table, I just don’t know how, or what a good, ethical approach might be. I’m not a mental health professional. I cannot diagnose or treat mental health diseases. I am, however, a person who has led a life full of mental health struggles - and achievements - that I feel could vastly improve the lives of the people I get to work with.
What say you? What is your reaction, and what are your thoughts?
Feel free to message me, or you can collect them together in some fashion and send them to me at coachthom@spark.fit